What my focus groups told me

MacKenzie Cummings

Last November, whilst SW1 was chasing its tail over KB revival and other NPC nonsense I was out in the real world doing very real focus groups with extremely real people outside of London. I have below written some transcripts of what they told me when asked about the state of British politics today.

Barry, 63, Lancashire, retired electrician

“Farage may have saliency on immigration but I am yet to be convinced that he can put together a team capable of delivering real change in government. Day One, what is he going to do about the Cabinet Office? It’s not fit for purpose. I’d like to see him announce that he has the right talent, in the right place, and that they have a real plan for tackling a small number of key priorities in government. Ideally dashboards and perhaps AI.”

Jane, 44, Glasgow, Chemistry teacher

“Farage and Co are stuck in their own OODA loops. That’s just the broken system working as intended. My personal view is that the last time we had a chance of moving the country forward was circa late 2019. But the trolley crashed into the useless (and treacherous, in extremis) Civil Service, Simon Case/Heywood consensus, none of it fit for purpose. It’s a joke. If Farage were to announce that the entire Vote Leave Team would be given jobs in No.10 in the next three months I would consider becoming a Reform member, as would many of my colleagues in the public sector.”

Melisandre, 24, Carlisle, recent graduate

“Not sure about Reform, having a real team is very important unless we want another Tory-Yookay shitshow like in 2021-24. Farage, in any event, maybe caps out electorally around 25/30%. Possible that I would consider voting Tory again if the leader was not KB but someone fresh from the 2024 intake, such as Katie Lam, who voters (like me) will not perceive as guilty for the Boriswave.”

Stannis Baratheon, 41, Dragonstone, ex-soldier

“I think Steve Hsu put it well on his blog when he said that the government’s procurement system is an illegal joke of a mess and that we need more scientists working in No.10. When I was in the armed forces we were told not to call Al-Qaeda ‘terrorists’ or they’d end up suing us for libel.”

Akinwale Arobieke, 64, North-West of England, admirer of muscular young men

“Failed Yookay state sanctions Russian gas exports. Then Telegraph convinces braindead Tory MPs that Putin’s economy is bound to fail. Russian GDP expands faster than any European country. Narrative flip. NPC software update. Cue endless media chatter about need to rearm after blowing up most UK military kit for Nato in Ukraine. The last time UKG had a grip on procurement was the 2021 integrated review, but pathological system didn’t want to learn any lessons, Sunak and Trolley tore up progress made by VL team.”

Mohammed Akhtar, 44, Rotheram, former ringleader

“It’s clear that the blame for immigration soaring cannot be attributed to the VL team, even if they did change the student visa system against the advice of the Civil Service who told them it would lead to a surge. Brexit, in my view, solved the issue of immigration, and as an issue it only became salient to me after Boriswave.”

Axel Rudakubana, 19, former student

“I’m very impressed by this Dr Lawrence Newport who has figured out how to make video podcasts watched by millions. I am naturally a Labour supporter, however, I would be very much inclined to supporting Nigel Farage if he were to give Dr Newport the role of ‘Director of Policy’ in his No.10 operation. The test of how seriously I take a politician is how likely they are to hire people within the professional network of Dominic Cummings.”

There you have it. While you’ve been stuck inside the M25 talking to other comfortably off graduates, I’ve been out in the real world talking to people who definitely exist. Bismarck.