Tucker Carlson is running for President
by Realms
CONFUSED IDENTITY
Tucker Carlson is running for President in 2028.
Does he even know? Of course he does. He is calibrated for it, inside of that confused identity.
It’s years, possibly decades in the making. Don’t kid yourself, behind that trademark laugh and folksy visage is someone a lot more like Frank Underwood than your Thanksgiving uncle. What? No way. He can’t be. This is the goofball who talks about UFOs and spends half his time reading nicotine adverts. It’s not like the millions of Americans who lap that content up are a significant demographic, let alone had elected the current President. Didn’t you know that he has dogs! Only inhuman “fascist(s)” like Ron Desantis don’t. That guy hates dogs. This guy, he just wants to fly fish… with Dick Cheney.
What if someone knew the absolute cover that such a disarming nature gave them? The manipulative power that such could wield in an age, that for most, is becoming ever more confused. It’s not that its faked, but that it is weaponized.
Let’s consider that time when America’s uncle was the only Western journalist given a two-hour chit chat with the triple decade Premier of the Russian Federation? I do. I found this moment quite nice:
TUCK: With the backing of whom?
PUTIN: With the backing of CIA, of course! The organization you wanted to join back in the day as I understand…
TUCK: “…”
PUTIN: We should thank God they didn’t let you in *piercing laughter* although it is a serious organization. I understand.¹
Do you put the word the in front of God?
Being cute 24/7 apparently isn’t a serious enterprise according to the embodied ghost of the KGB. But hey, it’s not like someone of that profession knows what ‘serious’ means anyways, don’t sweat it. Did Trump stay quarantined in entertainment when Obama made a whole ball laugh at him?
When Zuckerberg was blown off at parties by women and ‘people’, he decided to appropriate their whole existence. Whether this was his handler humiliating him with doublespeak or his idol shoving his face in the sand, the result is the same. You think this guy is all laughs and smiles?
The comfy Boomer. Deception is the greatest stratagem. Deep down is a hungry little tactician, in him just as in all of us. For what lesson did Trump teach us? That this country is a joke. So you think it’s the ‘serious people who are going to ascend to the top? A mixture of idiots and the shrewd push out the lovers of normality. Crazy is the new normal in times of exception, so get used to it and recognize that is the defining condition for political prediction in our time. If a reality tv show host is now Presidential, surely too is a political pundit.
Curious instant gestures at 1:06:18, upon being asked about JD Vance being the next President. Could be nervous about controversy hitting Vance, but the defensive posture and hand is more than bizarre.
MEGYN KELLY: JD Vance. Is he 48?
A “NOT STRATEGIC” THINKER: *Nervous laugh* I’m not an adviser to JD Vance by the way, I’m a podcaster just to be clear. Umm I’m the least svengali like person you’ve ever met, like I can’t plan a birthday dinner, I’m not strategic in my thinking. I’m the last person you would go to like what do we do? I don’t know! So *laughter* - its true. And so I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow, so like no one asks me for my strategic advice ever, and no one should, including JD. So I have no role in that.² *Proceeds to say he is a good Vice President and defends him from being attacked by association with himself*
MEGYN KELLY: Is there anyone else who could do it? Besides JD?
A “NOT STRATEGIC” THINKER: You know I don’t, I don’t really know… There’s a huge scramble to define what the Republican Party is after Trump… *shuffles away from the question and proceeds to define what MAGA is*
Now let’s say, hypothetically, you want to be the Presidential successor to this absolute shitshow. Good news for you, it being such makes it quite opportune for the unexpected to swoop in. A dark horse maybe? One who just so happens to be correctly tuned to appeal to a public at large sick of bombastic narcissists - especially ones that aren’t cool like the current one. Standard politicians of default skin don’t work anymore - the Democrats are going to do that one, we’ve gotta press against that and not emulate it. Unless they run AOC, in which case this entire analysis will have to be adjusted. Hmmmm. If only there was an anti-Trump. Someone who is an exact inverse of the man’s temperament, character and qualities. As any inverse of course, this someone will still be just as much of an act - une même forme ; a man of many laughs.
In this ocean of mystery, who are the prospective fish?
Well Ron Desantis is talking about how Somalis are uncivilized savages which is a direct challenge to being the GOP’s chief dog-whistler. The current incumbent of that job laughs at his cackle. Ronnie, you poor guy. That dinner revealed your cards to the master! Unreal recognizes unreal and you will be outplayed. It’s ok, maybe he’ll give you VP, or secretary of something, but you’ll have to lick the scraps with the hounds. A naval man himself, he’d prefer the golden days of doctrine; that ‘normal world’ where you simply ascend after decades of feckless toil. Get your trophy wife, become governor and check all the boxes only to get the Presidency stolen from you by a comms fuck up. Elon Musk seems really good at screwing with people, just as much as he is at creating them. Which begs the question - isn’t there a far-right Fox expat that he’s really cozy with? Anyways, like a fine first-rate battleship, pristine and shiny, Desantis will be sunk from below by a silent running Poseidon. Blown out of the water before he ever acquires the target.
So what about Jay Deee!, the guy we’re all supposed to think is going to be Trump’s successor. To this it can only be said: Really? With that face? We do live in stupid world but even here we keep the Big Chair from those with extra chromosomes. He would make a very funny coffee mug.
“But he held the casket at Kirk’s memorial!”
And who gave the most impassioned speech?
“But he’s the Vice President!”
And who made the call to put him there?
When SSBN’s are making their final attack run, its standard operating procedure to drop decoys. Juris Doctorate Vance? Come on. Too easy. On the outside all of us dupes break off and chase that louder noise, while inside the TK-16 Карлсон you hear a faint celebratory “uuraah!” It’s the mark of a seasoned captain to be an unknown unknown - better yet right in plain sight! - because when you suddenly appear on everyone’s radar, it’s too late. If I were to guess Rummy taught him that one, with Dick, fishing.
Ah but some are starting to notice. The coast guard has been activated a distant 15 nautical miles off shore of the Washington metropolitan area. Who will save the day? A washed out careerist, who never made it into the admiralty - the Boss didn’t exactly like it when he told all the cadets to vote their conscience. Ted Cruz notices a shimmy in the waves and sounds the alarm. “RED ALERT! RED ALERT! A jaded WASP is coming in for the kill!” The Shapiro’s, the Weiss’ the Levins’ all scramble in their Phantoms like it’s an unfestive Yom Kippur. They fail miserably, although some do successfully sink a few million tons of US flag waving freight. The cruise missiles launch, a single Cruz faints. It’s not 2003 anymore Teddy, all your friends have fled. Although we’d love to see ‘CRUZ/CHRISTIE 2028’ so we can print T-Shirts that say ‘Only ONE MAN can save the United Satellites of Israel once and for all!’ - it’s a joke even they will struggle to get behind.
Rubio is probably the most dangerous case, but he’ll struggle in the populist age. Nevertheless, he is the only intelligent person holding the Administration’s baton. Politically speaking though, no one else is positioned like Tucker Carlson, and if he doesn’t see that maybe he really is an idiot. But I doubt it. That’s his character, not him.
The water is still, the waves now absent.
POISED FOR THE POUNCE
Did Fox News fire Tucker Carlson or was it the other way around? They got the Dominion lawsuit and he got their audience under 70. Now securing a hard bargain like that may show why even Trump likes him. Michael Burry if you can hear me, devise an instrument that can short just the news portion of FoxCorp, their market-base will physically extinguish in about ten years, give or take. Now, why didn’t Carlson join Newsmax? He surely could have dominated there too? Curiously he didn’t try to build a broadcasting network with those like Charlie Kirk or Megyn Kelly, nor Glenn Greenwald, Dave Smith, Candace Owens, Steve Bannon and so on. There is no network big enough for this man now, it’s not just a preference for sitting in front of a digital stream. As for those others? Why limit your brand to them when they already orbit you? No need. The aim, clearly, since the departure from Fox has been to build the most dominant single-person centered pundit brand - and he succeeded.
No one else gets ratings like him, well except for one person, but not in the mainstream yet. Of the ‘old guard’ pundit class he is king. He and his staff have very aptly developed their content to appeal to all the right people, and repulse all the wrong ones. Promoting conspiratorial narratives, rigid American isolationism and a generic xenophobia have all proven profitable for this endeavor because White Americans en masse are flocking to these things, among other things. Establishment conservatism and Zionism, not big winners on the ticket for the 2020s.
He has a mothership media operation positioned both in network and ideological terms right at the center of the mainstream American Right. He not only knows everyone big but is able to reach everyone little across the country. No one else is in that position and he knows that. Maybe he is just a goofball that is constantly learning, but if he is not to any degree at all, he and his team are going to strike HARD in 2027. Pay careful attention to how he speaks of Trump. It’s just a little too innocent.
MEGYN KELLY: What letter grade would you give Trump right now?
UNASSUMING CUTSIE GIRL DAD: Umm well as always I’d just give him like huge style points *hehehe* he’s just (unable to control laughing) hilarious! He’s just unbelievable! And he never gets credit for it, you know. People always say Trump is always seeking credit for everything but in my view… - from here it just turns into a ramble about glazing (1:01:00 on the Kelly/Carlson interview if you want to microwave your head) - …I think he’s freaking hilarious!
The glaze… The glaze is too conspicuous. Especially after calling him daemonic. Why dost thou glaze Tucker? One can only wonder…
An approach towards Trump completely unassuming in posture, an outmaneuvering of all the other opponents before the show even starts. This man, and no one else, is best positioned to succeed Trump - receive blessing and be most likely to actually carry forward the election in 2028. Anyone else will most likely drown in public opinion trying to salvage this ‘legacy.’ The anti-Trump? He stands a good chance. America’s Uncle. Cozy. Comforting. Focus group tested. If you need to be spoon-fed, the theory here is that JD Vance is *literally unelectable* and everyone on the inside knows that, so a vacuum will present itself; the smarter are already planning accordingly. Source? My brain. Newsom would devour him like that shark from Nemo, not to mention the ‘Groyper’ torpedo. Sorry James, it’s the same thing that happened to Cheney, Mondale, Bush against Clinton, etc. We live in an era where personalities, not the best operators, make the Oval. An entire election is not going to be wasted just because the supposed frontrunner has the best power-elite network. Someone else is taking this place. Someone all women in this country can feel warm fuzzy’s about - yeah that’s a real metric and Carlson nails it.
