TALKS: Rupert Lowe
We sat down with the famous Businessman
J’accuse: Mr. Rupert, thank you for seeing us
R.L: Who are you?
J’accuse: Lowe, why did you set up Restore U.K?
R.L: What’s that? Why am I here?
J’accuse: Many have described you as a firebrand
R.L: Who?
J’accuse: Rupert Lowe, they say…
R.L: Who is that? Why are you asking me these questions?
J’accuse: You agreed to this interview…
R.L: Where am I?
J’accuse: Mr. Lowe, what do you think of allegations you are dividing the right-wing vote?
R.L: Look, there are a load of Trudgers, work for a living, and people who don’t work at all. There are people who, you know, they’re Charlie big-potatoes and Magic Johnnies quite frankly.
J’accuse: What do you mean by this?
R.L: Stop trying to manipulate me.
J’accuse: What is Restore’s policy on immigration?
R.L: Pork-barrellers, Brighton Rockers, you know.
J’accuse: I’m not sure if we quite do…
R.L: Look, it is absolutely essential that when you go to an informal pub lunch. You know a building society looks after your house. A pox doctor’s clerk. That’ll put you in good stead. All this land. Look, I’m just quite plainly not telling anyone I’m sort of like the Buddha. Okay.
J’accuse: Do you expect any more Reform councillors to join your party?
R.L: It is quite perfectly simple and everyone understands this outside the Media. If you’ve got two garments short of a washer-woman’s pantry and you’re in a sort of Hades of dividend interest with two, really tough, Harold Berens types pointing their spliffs in your direction with your back firmly against the wall of a clergyman’s pleasure garden somewhere north of Xanadau. Look, this is what I call a Void of Purpose agreement. It is a Phantasm and Brimstone situation. So, stop pretending that it isn’t.
J’accuse: You recently said you’re favourite film ever was Neon Genesis Evangelion, can we be sure you really meant these words?
R.L: Yeah, I do. I’ve always been a huge fan of Sir Ralph Richardson’s other stuff. Never. Of course, agreed with him on politics. But there you go. And then I see this really quite compelling dramatic piece about young men and they come from Outer Space, you know, to defoul a place of work. A place of work in which everyone takes a certain amount of pride. And there are all these screaming rows about whether the Kirsten Flagstadt type, or the young lady played by Julie Andrews in a blue wig, will ultimately marry The Commanding Officer. But this is a grave delusion. The Commanding Officer has fallen under the Spell of Wretched Thinking. One of the girls is actually a boy. And that boy comes from Outer Space. So I want people to be high minded.
J’accuse: Are you optimistic about the future?
R.L: It is sort of like what Winston Churchill said. Never, ever, has so much suffering. No. Have so many people. Many people who actually built Propositions. Never have we happy few, or the few people who are Happy being Happy. Never has this speckled band of brothers felt so Impeached Upon by the Invidious Motions of Spycraft. Those few people, like Larry Fink, who owe everything to me. People who get out of bed. That’s what I’m talking about. And I’m tired of pretending I’m not.
J’accuse: Thank you very much.
R.L: Why don’t you just shut up?
Rupert Lowe worked for many years in the City as Chancellor of the Exchequer. After starting Clarkson’s Farm, he founded Reform U.K alongside other keen oarsmen like Charlie Kirk and David Miliband.