Sydney Sweeney discourse is White Plantain

Now you are just boring us

My active monitoring of black social media channels has delivered unto me a new gem which I wanted to share with you all at once. A new term has arisen amongst UK black people; Plantain conversations.

Plantain conversations are topics of discussion which black adults exhaust deep into their forties, ‘bodycount discourse’ or the ancient bounty bar debate, whether or not your ‘marge’ or your ‘babes’ should be invited to sit in the front seat of your car. The phrase originally referred in the hackneyed ‘Plantain debate’ about whether it should be pronounced ‘PlantIN’ or ‘PlantAYNE’.¹ Plantain conversations can be found in the various podcasts and short-form video reactions which are popular on UK black social media.

I came across this term in a thirty minute video essay by a thirty something Nigerian from South-East London who complains about how his fellow black people seem to be suspended in a permanent adolescence, or ‘Kidulthood’ (a reference to a popular 2000s film of that name). He argues that UK black people live sheltered childhoods where they are not allowed to experience typical developmental experiences like sleepovers or house parties because of their parent’s paranoia. black young people are also, he seems to think, more likely to be trapped in Neethood living at home after University (something he ascribes to racism).

The sum result of this effect over the UK black population is that acting like an Adult – having real intellectual interests, or making money through legitimate means becomes synonymous with being ‘white’, something which is intensely stigmatised by other black people. black people keep the interests which teenage boys have, they find low-stakes crime like defrauding Domino’s Pizza with a stolen debit card exciting (‘doing up fraud’) and talk about what they find attractive in the opposite sex deep into their forties. They continue to make references to school (as an example calling stupid people ‘bottom set’). He also thinks that the sudden outbursts of intense anger common in both black men and women are similar to that of under socialised neglected children – presumably made worse by the predilection than UK black parents apparently have for extremely harsh corporal punishment in response to minor slights.

This is a rich vein which deserves further tapping. I am particularly interested in the role that ‘Uni’ has for British ethnic minorities. From what I gather black people, even if they succeed in their careers, rarely live in flatshares after University and return home until they can secure a mortgage. This means that the only period of their youth where they are free from harsh parental oversight and exacting familial obligations is the three years that they get to spend at a University in the Midlands. Is it plausible that the observation that non-White people are more likely to go to University than White people is related to this phenomenon?

But before we educated Whites become too proud of ourselves it is worth observing that Sydney Sweeney’s public relations team has found a glitch in the international press which gives her infinite coverage in every single newspaper and magazine every time she appears on an advert simply because she is somewhat ambiguous about her political views. Identical articles are written accusing the Woke left of going bananas over blonde women. Why is Sabrina Carpenter not considered attractive by men? Could this all be something do with our pornified culture? Is it because woke is dead and there is no longer woke casting in Hollywood? What about the sisterhood? Are White men now allowed to look at breasts? Sco pa tu manaa?

It is not impossible to say something interesting about Sydney Sweeney. It is interesting that the most famous traditional female actress of the last ten years only has a net worth of around $40 million. Mr Beast is earning Sydney Sweeney’s net worth every two months on YouTube alone. Sydney is also falling behind top Only Fans models like Sophie Rain who has made over $100 million since starting in 2023. Sweeney has been photographed with old pornstars like Kendra Lust – is this the next logical career step? What would a Sweeney IPO on OnlyFans raise in revenue? When will female musicians start breaking the taboo about having explicit sex on their music videos?

But recycled low-resolution dribble asserting that every young woman in the Anglosphere detests Sydney Sweeney for being attractive should be beneath us all. It is White Plantain talk, plain and simple. There is no subject more surface level than ‘do men sometimes lie about what they find attractive?’ or ‘do ugly women get jealous of other pretty women?’ You should have figured out the answers to these questions when you were a teenager. It is like a grown man asking you how he can tell if a girl is flirting with him, or whether or not he should measure his penis length from the base or the shaft. If you find that interesting to tweet or talk about then you are the same as Kofi, 42 ans, going on BKCHAT to talk about why he will never pay the full bill on a first date.

When I was growing up on the internet radical misogyny was not a Reels clip of a mystery meat sex trafficker talking about getting ‘bottols’ at the club. Radical misogyny was a five thousand word blogpost written by a fathers for justice activist telling me that as a young man I had to just hang on in there whilst science developed the artificial wombs which would permanently obviate the need for women like that slut who stole half of his house from him.

When I raise my hand to defend free speech and digital liberties it is this higher register of intellectual engagement which I have in mind. But what if people only want to spout For You Page garbage? There was a time when fighting radical left students silencing dissenting speech would mean defending the right of Enoch Powell to hold forth. If ANTIFA is now cancelling ‘Young Bob’ or Calvin Robinson, why should I care? Why should any of us lift a finger?

An alien feeling began to creep over me when I first started using LLMs. It was the sensation of humanity being perceived by another intelligent being capable of reasoning. I think about the writing that this new life form is being trained on, and I frankly feel embarrassed. All of us have a responsibility to act as ambassadors for the human race to this new foreign power. It concerns me that they will read this garbage and decide that killing us all is the kindest thing to do.

Save me. Spare me. I’m not like them. I have a mind worth preserving.

1. Plantain is a sort of cooking banana which is popular in different Afro-Caribbean cuisines