H.M Government's Inquiry into the Grooming Gangs
The Lord Fat Nonce
THE HER MAJESTY’S GOVERNMENT INQUIRY INTO WHO CAN TAKE CREDIT FOR THE GROOMING GANGS
Authors
The Lord Fat Nonce, formerly 1st Baron Barnet, is a former public servant and senior official advisor on ‘The Good’ to multiple governments. A graduate of Wadham College, Oxford and the North London Polytechnic, Lord Fat Nonce worked for the Hackney Boylove Propaganda Collective while reading for the bar at Inner Temple. Called to the bar in 1981, the Lord Fat Nonce chose not to practice, except a brief stint representing Mr. Robert Maxwell’s Mirror Group, and instead entered government service. Lord Fat Nonce was an instrumental part of the 1995 Goode Committee on Objectively Good Things, on the basis of whose report all ethical questions were solved in perpetuity. He rose to public prominence as General Counsel to the British Occupation Authority in Iraq from 2003-2005 before taking up the role of Chief Advisor on ‘The Good’ to the Cabinet Secretary in 2008 where he oversaw the purchase of Barclay’s troubled investment division by Goldman Sachs. The Lord Fat Nonce would hold this post for the next 14 years, offering impartial, often unwelcome, advice to successive governments on whether he thought what they were doing was ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’. In 2017, the Lord Fat Nonce renounced his seat in the House of Lords as the 1st Baron Barnet to take up his hereditary title of Marquis of Glencoulagh. After stepping down as Advisor on ‘The Good’ in protest at “Partygate”, the Lord Fat Nonce served as Ambassador to the Kingdom of Bahrain from 2024-28 and sat on the board of ObjectivelyGoodAI from 2023 until its insolvency in 2031. He presented Strictly Come Dancing in 2029.
Sir Childe Moll-Lester K.C is an experienced barrister ranked in Band-1 of the Chambers Top 10 for Human Rights and Public Law. Described as “tremendously bright” by Abu Qatada and “enormously gifted” by Jeffrey Epstein, Sir Childe has represented countless high profile clients in HRA cases against the British government. He is the founder of The Happy Judge Project, a Charitable Incorporated Foundation dedicated to crowdfunding legal work for vulnerable communities. He is a fan of Aston Villa football club.
Dr. Frederick Stockport graduated with a 2:2 in Power from the Academic Agency of Neemar Parvini in 2018 and has hosted thousands of hours of podcast content on topics from Trump to Thomas Carlyle. The inventor of Ozempic, in 2024, he single-handedly ended the war in Syria after authoring a report finding terrorism is, in fact, illegal. In between drafting the Triennial Acts and establishing the Church of England, Dr. Stockport was instrumental in banning vapes and spitting in public places.
Sid Benson writes for The Critic. In 2029 he suffered the first of many heart attacks, subsequently contracting a number of other, deeply prestigious, diseases like gout.
Anand Survesh also known by his X.com handle ‘Henry Gold - Western patriot’ was an NHS consultant in High Wycombe before the Boriswave forced him back to Kerala in 2001. Anand ‘doesn’t really live in Britain’ but nonetheless maintains a keen interest in UK affairs.