Could elf-bars solve the obesity crisis?

Nicotine; the silver bullet?

I’ve had a bit of blowback regarding the Workability of my fat-cutting plan; banning all food and sending rations of vegetables and meat to people homes. I don’t think anybody has an inherent human right to eat junk food, but I accept on reflection that it would be inconvenient to have no restaurants or cafés. What about tourists? What if you forgot your packed lunch?

The hangover anxiety that impelled me to write this follow up struck me at 4:36pm. Picture the scene, bed cover slightly off the mattress on the floor. I had still not summoned up the energy to get up and wander in to the kitchen to steal my flat mates ‘American-inspired’ pretzels. ‘I’ll shower at half 12’. ‘Ok, I’ll get up at 1’. ‘Half 1’. Ad nauseam.

On no work day would the sun set before my first meal. But something about the inertia of laying in bed suppresses my appetite. As long as I have my elf-bar, and access to the ‘nsfw’ category of Reddit, I can put off eating indefinitely. Could breeze through Ramadan in this festering condition.