What do I think about the Conservative leadership contest? Do I really need to have an opinion? It is obvious that Meritocracy is the future. As my own prophetic nature becomes ever clearer to me, as my dreams become vitreous, as ever greater contingents of Adventurers flock to my banner; the mundane world of politics holds less fascination for me. The storyboard of the Gods dictates the Human Rights Act shall never be abolished, immigration never ‘cut’, until the flag of Merit is raised above Buckingham Palace, until a thousand horns are sounded and the Guelphs booted back to where they came from (Venice). I should really want all parties saddled with the worst leaders possible until the formations are gathered in the Carpathian forests, ready to board the Antonov jets to Heathrow, as 10 Duke Street is stormed by neo-emo militias dressed as vampires.
But I cannot stand dishonesty. And the Readers want entertainment.
The first thing which must be noted, and which nobody else has commented on, is a fact which ought to undermine every piece of received wisdom about politics. Keir Starmer is now more hated than Rishi Sunak. He is approval rating has fallen by 45 points. During this time, the Conservative Party has not put forward a single policy, it has not elected a leader, it has no comms campaigns or talking points. The existence or non-existence of an “opposition party” has made absolutely no difference to the popularity of the government. In fact, whomsoever is elected, you will probably see a small Starmer rebound after a leader is chosen. When the failings of the government instead become positive endorsements of ‘the opposition’, public apathy sets in. Everytime Keir kills a puppy he can point to the time Kemi once failed to return a library book and half the country are inclined to agree with him. This tells us something significant. It makes absolutely no difference what the leader of the opposition says. Ideally, the Tory leader would take a 4 year holiday, abnegate PMQs and watch Keir’s approval plummet by itself. This means the debate is entirely about which candidate would make a better Prime Minister.
Nobody in Britain will ever vote for someone called ‘Kenny Badenough’, nobody in Britain, least of all people who work in politics, believes that anyone else will do this either. The Kemi campaign is a monument of hubris built on self-deception. It will inevitably come crashing down in the sand. The same Conservative faction who replaced Boris Johnson with a very short man think they can put another puppet in charge, their track record shows this to be a mistake, Kemi will immediately go off the reservation and change track to default Cameronism with some occasional pot-shots at the Trans. There is absolutely nothing Kemi Badenoch believes in that David Cameron doesn’t. David Cameron refused to wear a ‘this is what a feminist looks like’ T-shirt, he would’ve been Tough on Trans too. The difference is, David Cameron could probably still win an election. Kemi Badenoch cannot.
People do not want a lefty figurehead secretly controlled by right-wing advisors. Look around the country today. For the first time in your life and mine, people are properly fed up with the system. The signature complaint is that nobody seems to be in charge, nobody has a plan. People are tired of figureheads, they want Leaders, they want someone to stand up, set out what he believes and give them the directions to the future. Putting a BAME person in charge might’ve made sense in 2006 when charges of ‘racism’ still meant something, we are a long way from that point now. Look around you, there are paid up veterans of the SAS writing open letters calling out the religious courts. Starmer is already featuring on birthday cards as a byword for ‘crap’. The director of Marks and Sparks blasts the budget. Britain is seething; ripe for rebellion against the Egon Krenz of Blairite society. We are at a do-or-die moment, the chocks are away and the Spitfires motoring up the landing strip. There will never be a moment, outside this five year window, to redress the imbalance of the 1998 settlement by normal democratic means. And people want to elect ‘Kenny Badenough’, the gods truly are on the side of we crazies.