400 paid subscribers

Our enemies are ashen cinders

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After four years of dominating the media discourse, four hundred paid subscribers the richer - I’ve decided to share some advice to our enemies in the world of words - to even the odds, if nothing else.

It is impossible to defeat J’accuse in an argument, nobody in the world has the intellectual capacity to do that. If they came close, we would take them on as a contributor, and become even more enormously successful. You cannot beat us with libtard smears such as ‘far-left’ either; labelling J’accuse with a political compass test is as farcical as trying to give Jesus Christ an MTBI rating. Call me an incel and I will just laugh in your face. There will only be women of three dimensions worthy of my attention after five to six generations of gene editing. That is when I shall have my bounty.

The only chink in my armour.

Is when this majestic publication is described as a competitor to that little known publication which goes by the name of the Wandsworth Gazette.

To mention J’accuse in the same sentence as the Brent Bulletin should be a criminal offence. One day, it will be. But until then, I will make something clear. the once estimable Financial Times brought shame to the journalistic profession when it stated that J’accuse has a ‘rival’.

To say that we are ‘rivals’ with the Hounslow Pamphlet; when we possess over four hundred paid slaves - whilst they, in two long years, have not even managed to muster a measly one hundred (note the lack of tick next to the publication name) - which J’accuse managed in just thirteen months - is a gross misrepresentation.

J’accuse sets forward an entirely new ideological framework and has single-handedly reinvented the practice of online writing. The Croydon Courier has been mentioned by the Tory blogging website ‘Conservative Home’. I would be less offended if the comparison had been with a genuine commercial rival, as an example, the Washington Post, Bloomberg or the New York Times. But the Romford Reporter??? Donnez-moi un break. The Dragon is above such earthly hubris, but I am a prideful man.

We all yearn for the days of Lionel Barber. When the Financial Times held itself loftily above British politics, and by extension the so-called ‘Online Right’, concerning itself more with businesses of Markets, and Statecraft. Since ‘Roula Khalaf’, a BAME woman, became Editor in January 2020 (WEF paving the way for Lockdown) the FT’s circulation has fallen by a shocking thirty percent (157,982 to 109,995).

Go Woke, Go Broke

Many old hands at the paper are reportedly frustrated by vertical rise of (in their words, which I personally find objectionable) ‘EDI hires’, this catastrophic article being another fruit of a now rotten tree. ‘This is the lowest moment for the paper since 2006’, one anonymous reporter tells me, referring to the ‘In the Pink’ feature which was briefly run to help the FT compete with Page 3 of the Sun.

As we lift our glasses to the sky, and our wealth soars evermore; we reject the false notion of peer-competition. HMS J’accuse sails on a gushing sea of gold, glistening whilst the rickety plank of wood known as the Dagenham Dispatch is beached on a tiny dribble of coppers. So long, SUCKERS!